It's amazing how different experiences in life prepare you for different experiences in life. Its amazing how when you think you lose one thing, you find yourself giving that very same thing to others. Its amazing when you need to hear something, and then you do. Its almost as if there was someone orchestrating it. Its almost as if there was someone planning my path, someone who knows how I will react. Knows my buttons. Knows my breaking point...no, my...turning point. Its amazing what you will hear when you listen. Its amazing what you'll see, when you look. And its amazing what you learn about yourself when you are completely honest with yourself. And its even more amazing when you are honest about yourself...with God. Its amazing...love. I know I'm kind of abusing the use of the ellipsis here, but all of this has been unfolding to me as if I was living in slow motion. And I can't make you, the reader, read slowly...unless...I use...the ellipsis. Anyways, I'm going to tell you about me in hopes that you won't learn about me, but about you.
I am...not loving towards others. I am cynical. I am not forgiving. I am bitter. I am not humble. I am selfish. I am not merciful. I am angry. There is one person that saw that behind my facade. And he knew I needed saving. So he threw a curve ball at me. I am no good at baseball. But when I was on the ground reeling from the blow I looked up...and I saw, really saw, the hundreds of people sitting in the stands for the first time, and I realized that there is more to life than the game I try to play. At first I was angry, on the ground and dirty watching the baseball roll away and I couldn't get up from the pain of the blow. Then...I couldn't get up for seeing all the people around me that needed. That hurt. That have no Savior to lean on. Being on the ball field is safe, I know the rules and I try to follow them and ignore everything else...but lets face it, I'm no good at baseball...its probably time for me to walk off the field and go walk amongst all the people in the stands. Its scary. Especially because I see the guy that threw the curve ball at me, and HEs the one who wants to walk around the stands with me? Is that really safe? Oh...wait...he's the one...that threw the hard ball...that knocked me over...that scuffed my hands...that brought me to my senses...that made me look away from myself...that made me realize what life is supposed to be about...
Maybe that guy is not so bad after all. Maybe he is amazing. Maybe that...is amazing love.
I am...not loving towards others. I am cynical. I am not forgiving. I am bitter. I am not humble. I am selfish. I am not merciful. I am angry. There is one person that saw that behind my facade. And he knew I needed saving. So he threw a curve ball at me. I am no good at baseball. But when I was on the ground reeling from the blow I looked up...and I saw, really saw, the hundreds of people sitting in the stands for the first time, and I realized that there is more to life than the game I try to play. At first I was angry, on the ground and dirty watching the baseball roll away and I couldn't get up from the pain of the blow. Then...I couldn't get up for seeing all the people around me that needed. That hurt. That have no Savior to lean on. Being on the ball field is safe, I know the rules and I try to follow them and ignore everything else...but lets face it, I'm no good at baseball...its probably time for me to walk off the field and go walk amongst all the people in the stands. Its scary. Especially because I see the guy that threw the curve ball at me, and HEs the one who wants to walk around the stands with me? Is that really safe? Oh...wait...he's the one...that threw the hard ball...that knocked me over...that scuffed my hands...that brought me to my senses...that made me look away from myself...that made me realize what life is supposed to be about...
Maybe that guy is not so bad after all. Maybe he is amazing. Maybe that...is amazing love.
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